I'm Back!

We've returned from Annual Conference (actually, as of Wednesday we had returned, but it's been quite the whirlwind around here, so blogging was pushed to the back burner). But I'm back and ready to share my stories!

I journaled some while we were at conference so I wouldn't forget the things I wanted to share, so hopefully you'll get some of the high points, though I could probably write a book about all the things I heard, and saw, and thought, and smelled, and ate (the United Methodist Church is all about table fellowship!)

Sunday:
I was able to attend worship this week (last Sunday I was in bed with a cold and covered-- we're talking, arms, legs, stomach, FACE-- in poisen ivy).

I cannot begin to describe how eye-opening worship was, not even because of what was said or sung, but because I found great power and insight in the comfort I felt worshipping alongside people I've never met before, and yet people I've somehow been in community with since my baptism.

Montague United Methodist is a small congregation that shares a church building with Amor y Paz. The pastor there is passionate and animated-- I'm convinced I saw the walls shake in response to the rise and fall of his booming voice. He's a small man, almost frail-looking man, but boy do his vocal chords work when he's preaching about the Lord!

There was something almost romantic about being in that church, reciting liturgy, singing hymns, praying alongside people whose names I didn't know, yet people I somehow felt incredible connected with. God has really opened my eyes to how enormous the kingdom is. It's easy to recognize the ways God is moving in my life, in my communities in LaGrange, or Peachtree City, but coming here and hearing the stories and seeing the fruits of God's work in Winchester (a place I'd never even heard of until recently) has really caused me to understand God as much bigger than the things I percieve, much bigger than the churches, and movements, and people around me.

Of course, this is something I think I recognized on a cognitive level: I know God is in all things, in all places, among all people. It's just that actually experiencing the far-stretching reaches of God's love and providence is something entirely different, something powerful, moving, eye-opening.

I've been shocked at how comfortable I am here, at how "okay" I am here. I thought for sure I would miss home, thought for sure I would feel out of my element, and I'm sure my words will never convey the extent to which I feel at home, even amidst people I barely know. I guess that is what has been so beautiful about this experience. I've gained this new understanding of the church. The church isn't just Dunson United Methodist; it isn't just Peachtree City United Methodist; the church is Montague, and Amor y Paz, and all the other congregations around the globe that recognize, and love, and worship the living God. And with this realization has come incredible confidence that no matter where I go, no matter how far from home, from family, from my safety nets, I will always have a bigger, greater, more complete home and family in the church. A part of me used to think this wasn't true, that I would always long for the "home" that's always been defined a certain way for me, but God has continued to stretch me, to open me to new things, thoughts, and ideas, and living in Winchester has certainly convinced me that as long as I have God (which, thank goodness I always will) I really am, and will always be, more okay than I anticipate, more confident, more whole, more joyful than I ever could imagine possible.

Monday:
I'm at conference and once again I'm blown away by the extent of the United Methodist Church. It's hard to believe that this is just the Virginia Conference. I can't even begin to explain the number of programs I've heard about, the number of congregations, outreach initiatives, support groups, fundraising campaigns, relief efforts-- the list goes on and on! The number of people who have been touched, and helped, and reached out to is astronomical, and, once again, this is JUST VIRGINIA.

I'm at this incredible place in life in which I am just thrilled with the United Methodist Church, and even more so with the God that calls, and leads, and guides the church. Entering college, and even attending college, I became extremely critical of the universal church. It's just that my eyes were suddenly opened to all the things I felt society had tried to keep from me for so long: inequality in education, the reality of poverty, healthcare, continued racial discrimination, the huge disparities between the have- and have-nots, the way our system allows for and even perpetuates those disparities, AIDS, genocide, child-soldier issues-- I'm getting overwhelmed just thinking about it all.

Hearing all this, knowing that all this could exist in the lives of God's people, broke my heart and made me so upset and so angry: First, that no one had told me about any of it and Second, that we weren't dedicating every second of every day to overcoming hunger, providing healthcare to those who need it, reforming education, saving child soldiers, ending wars, making peace, healing wounds. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders, so large, so heavy, that there were times I felt immobile and unable to breathe.

So I can't even begin to explain how touched, how moved, and how empowered I feel to see this church I've come to love so involved, so concerned, so active in helping the sick, the downtrodden, the rejected, the oppressed. And again, that's just in Virginia! And earlier in the summer, it was just at GBGM. I can only imagine the joy and empowerment I would feel if I could somehow see and know about ALL the programs of the church, ALL the ways we are helping, ALL the ways we are giving, serving, loving in God's name.

This whole experience has allowed me to abandon the place of judgement and disillusionment I was experiencing toward the church, and to enter a place of excitement and wonder, a place of willingness to learn about the programs, support the movements, be involved in this big, beautiful church body that is working to make the world more peaceful and just, and that invites me to join in and share in the task.

Tuesday:
I took the morning off today. As much as I've loved conference, I needed some time to digest everything, plus the arena we're in is so cold I just didn't think I could take much more of it!

It was good to get some extra rest and to catch up on some of the journaling I wanted/needed to do. After rejoining the group in the afternoon, I was able to sit down with Pastora Martha and my supervisor, Pauline, and begin the planning process for the summer program. I am getting so excited to begin working with the children. I feel like there is so much room to get my creative juices flowing, to continue to understand what it means to be in community with people, to work as a team, to come up with programs and activities that excite people, and that send the beautiful message the we are all God's-- rich or poor, black or white or brown, English-speaking or not, open or not, understanding or not, kind or not, intelligent or not, confident or not, immigrant or not.

I hope God continues to deeply ingrain this message in me this summer, and that God continues to expand my understanding of the faith.

Wednesday:
We returned home today-- yay! It was a great experience being at conference, but I must say there is something about Winchester that has stolen my heart. I'm glad to be back to familiar sights, sounds, smells. I'm completely exhausted, completely on knowledge/insight overload, and I'll go to bed tonight thankful for the opportunity to attend conference and thankful for my safe arrival home. :)