So here's another attempt at a recap-- it has been SUPER busy around here lately, but I've been keeping track of the things I want to share with you. So here goes:
7.23.08
Today we took the kids to Harper's Ferry: a quaint historical town about an hour from Winchester. It has a lot of Civil War history, and is a beautiful example of renewal: the town became a large industrial center many, many years ago, and has since reverted back to a green space, allowing the factories and plants that once brought in commerce to be replaced by a natural park, by trees which grow and give life to the area and which surround the beautiful rivers that flow through the city.
A kind, energetic woman named SueAnne lives in Harper's Ferry and jumped at the chance to take the day off work and show the kids around. SueAnne has been working with the youth group at Amor y Paz for many years now. She and Pastora Martha go way back-- they even lived together for a fews years in Alexandria.
Although the weather was less-than-obliging for our outdoor excursion (the gray skies hid the sun and sent down showers nearly all day) SueAnne was not deterred. She's got to be one of the most optimistic people I've ever met-- she pulled me aside at one point and, with a large smile, explained that she didn't mind the rain: "It's just one more element of nature to see and experience if you ask me!" she exclaimed.
I nodded my head, smiled, and ran down to the local Dollar Tree to get my kids ponchos. :)
We spent the day exploring the town's museums, eating soft serve from a local ice cream shop, and hiking along the Shenandoah River. The kids enjoyed climbing on the rocks, looking at the ducks, talking with some canoers that passed by-- all in all it was a wonderful day (which was only further confirmed on the drive home: About halfway through our trip, I wondered at the silence that had overtaken the van. I looked behind me to see fifteen tiny bodies, all bundled up and fast asleep: the sure sign of a fun, adventurous day).
After dropping off each of our tired, thankful kids, Pastora Martha and I returned to the church for Bible Study. We've been doing a study with the members from Montague UMC (including my supervisor, Pauline, and her husband, as well as Linda, the funniest, wittiest, most down to earth woman I know, and a few other church members that have become like family to me over the summer).
It's been so nice to sit in a room full of adults and to feel as though I'm soaking up their wisdom. We discussed the story of the Good Samaritan, and ways we could be more open, responsive, and helpful to those around us. As we talked, we ate a wonderful meal Linda had prepared for us. There really is something about sitting around a table and talking about the faith together. What a special, holy time these Bible Studies have become for me this summer. I only hope to return home and to continue to involve myself in the type of fellowship and discussion that I've been able to partake in here.
After cleaning up after the meal, and talking with Pastor Pete and his wife Betty-Anne for awhile, Pastora Martha and I returned home, where we each showered, changed into our pajamas, and curled into bed. :)
7.24.08
Another great day at the pool with the kids. Today I taught Magdelina and Jovena how to do handstands and flips in the water-- they spent the rest of the day perfecting their moves and calling to me: "Miss Nicole! Miss Nicole! Watch!" I enjoyed watching and encouraging them-- I love the way kids are completely uninhibited in voicing the things we all wish we could shout at the top of our lungs sometimes:
"Look over here!"
"Am I doing an okay job?"
"I could use some encouragement, praise, help!"
If only we adults hadn't fallen into the habit of covering up the places we feel incsecure about, the areas of our lives we could use help, or direction, or even a little bit of praise. Maybe then we'd be able to just call out to anyone nearby:
"Look over here! Could you help me with this?"
Perhaps, with openness and vulnerability like children, we'd rely on one another so much more completely, and we'd allow others to care for us, and to teach us, and encourage us, and serve us, and to be Jesus for us. (just some of the things my kids have got me thinking about this summer..)
7.25.08
What a wonderful morning I had today. I walked into town: tennis shoes on my feet, backpack over my shoulders, smile on my face, the presence of God swarming all around me in a way I could practically see, and hear, and touch.
I spent the morning and early afternoon sipping some of the smoothest coffee I've ever had, reading the Scriptures in ways I never had before, exploring the tiny shops that line downtown Winchester, absorbing Anne Lamott's words and insights in the Handly Library, and finding cute trinkets to bring home to my family in just over a week's time.
It was one of those mornings in which I felt God's closeness in such a way that everything about the day tasted better, smelt better, looked more beautiful, more complete, more alive.
I returned home later in the day feeling entirely refreshed-- every part of me excited to be alive and to be living and serving in Winchester.
That night Pastora Martha and I went to a meeting for local Hispanic pastors. Though I was the only white/non-Spanish speaking person in the building, I was welcomed with hugs, and smiles, and even some kisses on the cheek.
After introducing ourselves to the fifteen other people in the building, we took our seats, sang praises to God in Spanish, and listened to a sermon that, though I'm still a LONG way off from speaking Spanish fluently, I felt as though I connected with and understood every word of. I found myself nodding along with the stout little pastor who spoke. At times I got butterflies at his deeply Costa Rican accented words; my eyes filled with tears when he got choked up during a particularly moving story; a smile broke across my face when he became excited and animated about the promises of the faith-- when we finally bowed our heads at the end of the ninety minute sermon, I knew I had partaken in something so holy-- I was finally beginning to see and experience, firsthand, the way God is not contained in a certain race, or social class, nation, or language. Oh to experience God amidst people I'm so distinct from and yet so related to, to sing to God in Spanish, to hear God spoken of in a foreign tongue-- it's all more rich and more beautiful than I can ever begin to express.
It's just that God has always "spoken" to me in English. God has always said, "Nicole, I love you. Nicole, you are my child. Nicole, follow me." And tonight God's voice seemed to whisper in my ear in the most beautiful, earth-shattering way: "Nicole, te amo. Nicole, tu eres my hija. Nicole, sigame."
It was this incredible moment in which I thought in this dumb, naive way.. "God? You speak Spanish?!" ..only to come to the realization that God is speaking right now in Spanish, in English, in Greek, and Arabic, and German, and French-- in every langauge in existence and in ways that don't even fit within a language's expanses. God is speaking in the wind. God is speaking in the trees, the ocean, the hills. God is speaking in the people around me, in the love I have for them, and in the faces of Jovena, and Magdelina, and all the children I see and interact with everyday.
What a blessing to have my eyes rubbed with mud and opened to the broadness of God. I am ever in awe of the God who keeps breaking down my perceptions and giving me new, more open (even bilingual) ones. :)
7.26.08
(To be continued between packing, reflecting, and saying see you later..)
8.02.2008
7.22.2008
Blessed
Today we had a church come and run the day's activities. It is so nice on the days we have other churches in charge of the programming (first, because it's less time thinking about the schedule and more time just enjoying the kids, and second because it's wonderful to see the impact the adults have on the kids, and even more so, the impact the children have on the adults that come to visit).
Watching the adults and teenagers from Harmony UMC interact with our kids throughout the day was such a joy. First, to see a group of people who went out of their way to plan fun, exciting activities for our kids, and then also to see the presence of the children bring those activities to life in ways you can't plan or prepare for.
I was a group leader for three of our smallest girls, and as I took them around from station to station, from craft to craft, we met new people, learned new things, and laughed and giggled and got excited about the things around us and the new people who had come to spend the day with us-- it was quite a blessing.
Though, my favorite part, by far, was at the end of the day, when we'd all settled down and our new friends were packing up their things and getting ready to leave. The kids bombarded everyone with hugs and the volunteers from Harmony couldn't stop expressing how touched THEY were to have spent the day with our kids. It just reinforces what I've been learning over and over this summer: you can't leave ministry unmarked, unchanged, untouched. Ministry always has an impact on you because it always puts you face to face with the Living God, and who can be unchanged by that?!
I guess that's why I, like the volunteers from today, feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to serve at Amor y Paz this summer. It is so hard to believe that things are winding down, and that in less than two weeks I'll be boarding a plane back to New York, but I know when the time does come for me to say goodbye, that my experiences here will have changed me forever. I will forever feel a close connection with the Spanish language, the Hispanic culture, will forever view immigration issues with the stories of my friends here in mind, will forever have taste buds that only appreciate authentic, homemade tortillas, will forever try to view situations with the eyes of children, will forever try to laugh and find joy in any situation I can, will forever have a greater understanding of the width and depth of the Body of Christ, will forever be grateful for the things I've so often take for granted, but now realize are blessings, and not just a given in growing up (things like food, beds, tennis shoes, bathing suits..), and I will forever have a mentor, a second mom in Pastora Martha, who I have come to admire, and respect, and love.
What a blessing ministry truly is. :)
Watching the adults and teenagers from Harmony UMC interact with our kids throughout the day was such a joy. First, to see a group of people who went out of their way to plan fun, exciting activities for our kids, and then also to see the presence of the children bring those activities to life in ways you can't plan or prepare for.
I was a group leader for three of our smallest girls, and as I took them around from station to station, from craft to craft, we met new people, learned new things, and laughed and giggled and got excited about the things around us and the new people who had come to spend the day with us-- it was quite a blessing.
Though, my favorite part, by far, was at the end of the day, when we'd all settled down and our new friends were packing up their things and getting ready to leave. The kids bombarded everyone with hugs and the volunteers from Harmony couldn't stop expressing how touched THEY were to have spent the day with our kids. It just reinforces what I've been learning over and over this summer: you can't leave ministry unmarked, unchanged, untouched. Ministry always has an impact on you because it always puts you face to face with the Living God, and who can be unchanged by that?!
I guess that's why I, like the volunteers from today, feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity to serve at Amor y Paz this summer. It is so hard to believe that things are winding down, and that in less than two weeks I'll be boarding a plane back to New York, but I know when the time does come for me to say goodbye, that my experiences here will have changed me forever. I will forever feel a close connection with the Spanish language, the Hispanic culture, will forever view immigration issues with the stories of my friends here in mind, will forever have taste buds that only appreciate authentic, homemade tortillas, will forever try to view situations with the eyes of children, will forever try to laugh and find joy in any situation I can, will forever have a greater understanding of the width and depth of the Body of Christ, will forever be grateful for the things I've so often take for granted, but now realize are blessings, and not just a given in growing up (things like food, beds, tennis shoes, bathing suits..), and I will forever have a mentor, a second mom in Pastora Martha, who I have come to admire, and respect, and love.
What a blessing ministry truly is. :)
Pictures!
Here are some pictures, as promised, of our day at Wilson's Wild Animal Park! (Jeff was the photographer for most of the day-- I must say he got some great shots of the kids!)
Ready for a fun day!
Making goofy faces with our new camel friend.
Jeff stole a shot of me and my buddy Carlitos when we weren't looking.
So I grabbed one of him and the gang. :)
Happy Campers.
Group shot.
Now here come some of my favorite pictures of the day. Jeff took some GREAT close-ups of the kids!
And there you have it-- some of the fun, crazy, beautiful faces who have made my summer so amazing and who have taught me so much about life, and about joy, and about the God who loves and cares for us despite our age, or race, or language, or religion.
Ready for a fun day!
Making goofy faces with our new camel friend.
Jeff stole a shot of me and my buddy Carlitos when we weren't looking.
So I grabbed one of him and the gang. :)
Happy Campers.
Group shot. Now here come some of my favorite pictures of the day. Jeff took some GREAT close-ups of the kids!
And there you have it-- some of the fun, crazy, beautiful faces who have made my summer so amazing and who have taught me so much about life, and about joy, and about the God who loves and cares for us despite our age, or race, or language, or religion.
7.21.2008
Recap
So I'll attempt to get you caught up with the happenings in Winchester-- I was sick, then blessed with visitors, then sick again, but I still can't believe the amount of time that has passed since my last post.
Let's see, where to begin? I vividly remember wanting to post something a couple weeks back ... Ah yes, the week following 4th of July weekend was quite a turning point for me. The holidays, as I think I mentioned, were pretty rough. I was feeling pretty lonely, missing my family and friends like crazy, but come Monday morning (perhaps even Sunday) I really felt revived and renewed and ready to once again put my all into the summer program and to enjoy every minute of the time I get to spend here in Winchester.
I began spending every morning in Panera Bread that week-- sipping a frothy chai tea latte and reading the Bible, journaling, listening to what God had for me for the day. I can't even begin to describe the difference this made in my time with the kids. Even though I was coming off a cold/flu, I had an incredible amount of energy, and passion, and just a down right love for what I was doing.
Yes, this was truly a blessed week-- first because of how God was restoring me each morning (go figure, make yourself available to God and God will fufill God's promises to give you peace, and life abundant!-- I swear, everyday I identify more and more with the Isrealites who seemed so forgetful of the things God showed and taught them, desperately in need of constant reminders). But even aside from these insights and moments of replenishment, the week was blessed because I had VISITORS!
First, two of my fellow interns, Hannah and Charles, who are serving in Alexandria, VA, and whom I have come to ADORE, drove down/up/across (not too sharp with Virginia geography..) to come see me. We spent the day in downtown Winchester, exploring antique shops, coffee shops, and one particularly entertaining joke shop. After a wonderful day of taking pictures, playing games, and souvenier shopping, we headed back to Pastora Martha's house, where I had another guest-- JEFF!
I can't tell you how good it was to have a piece of home hold me in its arms. Ah, to have familiar sights/sounds/smells-- it was intoxicating! It was even more incredible to watch my two worlds intersect, to see Jeff in Winchester, Jeff with Hannah and Charles, Jeff with Pastora Martha, and, later in the week, Jeff with the kids, at the church, serving in our ministry.
His visit came and went as a blur. We took an amazing trip to D.C. over the weekend, spent some time with his family there, and spent an afternoon wandering around The Mall (not sure if that needs capitalizing or not, but I feel as though it deserves a big M). :)
I loved visiting the museums, and especially the Lincoln Memorial-- I've got a soft spot for both Lincoln and sculpture, so put me in a building that combines the two and I'm a real happy camper. It was great sharing such a neat, historical place with someone I care so much about, and especially on such a whim and with such spontanaety! At one point Jeff and I just looked at each other and said aloud, "How are we in D.C. together?"-- quite the blessing, for sure.
Anyway, after our day of leisure, it was back to work. Jeff stayed almost all week, testing out his children's ministry skills, and I must say he's a natural. We had a great time serving alongside one another, taking pictures of each other with the kids, sneaking peaks of the other when we could-- watching each other talk and sing and laugh with the kids, each time falling a bit more deeply in love at the sight of it all (sorry if this entry is a bit mushy, I just can't begin to describe what an incredible experience it was to share this piece of my life with someone I love so much).
After a few days in, though, I got sick yet again-- this time with something that knocked me clear off my feet. It was nice having Jeff around-- he was able to cart me around to the doctor, the pharmacy, even IHOP when I was desperately craving eggs, while Pastora Martha and our wonderful volunteers carried on with the day's events.
It was sad to have him leave Thursday morning-- we swung by the church so he could say bye to the kids and they just about buried him in a great big bear hug. After that, he took me back to the house, where we said our goodbyes and I crawled back into bed.
I've spent the rest of the weekend recovering from whatever kind of bug it was that flew into my system-- for a little while we were afraid it was mono, but slowly the antibiotics the doctor prescribed began working their magic, and I'm finally beginning to feel a bit more like myself.
That is about all the recap I have time for tonight, but it does feel good to know you are all back in the loop! I will post pictures of Jeff's visit, perhaps sometime tomorrow. I hope this post finds all of you doing well, and enjoying the summer. I love you all and can't wait to see you (family and friends) when I get home.
As always-- Amor y Paz,
Nicole
Let's see, where to begin? I vividly remember wanting to post something a couple weeks back ... Ah yes, the week following 4th of July weekend was quite a turning point for me. The holidays, as I think I mentioned, were pretty rough. I was feeling pretty lonely, missing my family and friends like crazy, but come Monday morning (perhaps even Sunday) I really felt revived and renewed and ready to once again put my all into the summer program and to enjoy every minute of the time I get to spend here in Winchester.
I began spending every morning in Panera Bread that week-- sipping a frothy chai tea latte and reading the Bible, journaling, listening to what God had for me for the day. I can't even begin to describe the difference this made in my time with the kids. Even though I was coming off a cold/flu, I had an incredible amount of energy, and passion, and just a down right love for what I was doing.
Yes, this was truly a blessed week-- first because of how God was restoring me each morning (go figure, make yourself available to God and God will fufill God's promises to give you peace, and life abundant!-- I swear, everyday I identify more and more with the Isrealites who seemed so forgetful of the things God showed and taught them, desperately in need of constant reminders). But even aside from these insights and moments of replenishment, the week was blessed because I had VISITORS!
First, two of my fellow interns, Hannah and Charles, who are serving in Alexandria, VA, and whom I have come to ADORE, drove down/up/across (not too sharp with Virginia geography..) to come see me. We spent the day in downtown Winchester, exploring antique shops, coffee shops, and one particularly entertaining joke shop. After a wonderful day of taking pictures, playing games, and souvenier shopping, we headed back to Pastora Martha's house, where I had another guest-- JEFF!
I can't tell you how good it was to have a piece of home hold me in its arms. Ah, to have familiar sights/sounds/smells-- it was intoxicating! It was even more incredible to watch my two worlds intersect, to see Jeff in Winchester, Jeff with Hannah and Charles, Jeff with Pastora Martha, and, later in the week, Jeff with the kids, at the church, serving in our ministry.
His visit came and went as a blur. We took an amazing trip to D.C. over the weekend, spent some time with his family there, and spent an afternoon wandering around The Mall (not sure if that needs capitalizing or not, but I feel as though it deserves a big M). :)
I loved visiting the museums, and especially the Lincoln Memorial-- I've got a soft spot for both Lincoln and sculpture, so put me in a building that combines the two and I'm a real happy camper. It was great sharing such a neat, historical place with someone I care so much about, and especially on such a whim and with such spontanaety! At one point Jeff and I just looked at each other and said aloud, "How are we in D.C. together?"-- quite the blessing, for sure.
Anyway, after our day of leisure, it was back to work. Jeff stayed almost all week, testing out his children's ministry skills, and I must say he's a natural. We had a great time serving alongside one another, taking pictures of each other with the kids, sneaking peaks of the other when we could-- watching each other talk and sing and laugh with the kids, each time falling a bit more deeply in love at the sight of it all (sorry if this entry is a bit mushy, I just can't begin to describe what an incredible experience it was to share this piece of my life with someone I love so much).
After a few days in, though, I got sick yet again-- this time with something that knocked me clear off my feet. It was nice having Jeff around-- he was able to cart me around to the doctor, the pharmacy, even IHOP when I was desperately craving eggs, while Pastora Martha and our wonderful volunteers carried on with the day's events.
It was sad to have him leave Thursday morning-- we swung by the church so he could say bye to the kids and they just about buried him in a great big bear hug. After that, he took me back to the house, where we said our goodbyes and I crawled back into bed.
I've spent the rest of the weekend recovering from whatever kind of bug it was that flew into my system-- for a little while we were afraid it was mono, but slowly the antibiotics the doctor prescribed began working their magic, and I'm finally beginning to feel a bit more like myself.
That is about all the recap I have time for tonight, but it does feel good to know you are all back in the loop! I will post pictures of Jeff's visit, perhaps sometime tomorrow. I hope this post finds all of you doing well, and enjoying the summer. I love you all and can't wait to see you (family and friends) when I get home.
As always-- Amor y Paz,
Nicole
7.08.2008
Frustration!
Today was an especially difficult day. Not only were the kids more rambunctious and less obedient/respectful than normal, but I'm beginning to feel caught in the middle of the different adults serving around me-- it seems that everyone has a different idea of how to do things/what types of activities to plan for the children and I can never please everyone with my decisions or make everyone happy.
This is just really frustrating because I feel like everything we do is questioned, that there is always some bit of negative energy coming from some direction, when we're all just trying to do the best we can. Also, it's frustrating because they've (they being Pastora Martha and my supervisor, Pauline) asked me to take new approaches; they've said I don't have to do everything the way they've done it in the past-- they WANT me to branch out and take the initiative to do things a little differently-- yet when I try to think up activities that the kids will enjoy, activities to break up the routine a little bit, there are always questions or objections.
It's just difficult to see the program from the kids' standpoint (there are times it can be monotonous, times we are just giving them "busy-work" rather than finding activities that they would really enjoy/learn from) and feeling as though my hands are somewhat tied to do anything to make the program more enjoyable/innovative/fun for the children. I guess it's in these moments I have to remember my job as a missionary: to be LED by those already here, and used where asked, when asked.
It's just difficult for me, I suppose, because Pastora Martha labels me "Summer Program Director", and because, when we first talked about my role this summer, everyone at the church told me they wanted me to branch out and bring my own flare to the program, I feel this huge need to succeed, to make the church a fun and exciting place for the children to be everyday, to bring everything we do to life.
I guess now it's just a matter of seeing and learning from the life that's already there. Because, though they tire of worksheets and coloring pages at times, the kids shine while we're singing; they break into fits of giggles as we run around outside; they hold up their crafts with smiles and looks of pride; they find fun and joy just in coming together everyday and seeing what we have in store for them.
So pray that my (recovering) success-oriented self doesn't get stuck obsessing about creating the perfect, award-winning summer program, and learns to simply enjoy each moment, regardless of what we are doing, regardless of the questions/negativity that might surround the activities, regardless of the chidren's groans about a particular boring stretch of the day. Pray that I remember that I will never please everyone in life, and that I have enough wisdom to let go of the ways I'm not pleasing people, and to focus on things I am doing, the ways we are benefitting the children, the lives we are touching/shaping/transforming.
Until Next Time,
Nicole
This is just really frustrating because I feel like everything we do is questioned, that there is always some bit of negative energy coming from some direction, when we're all just trying to do the best we can. Also, it's frustrating because they've (they being Pastora Martha and my supervisor, Pauline) asked me to take new approaches; they've said I don't have to do everything the way they've done it in the past-- they WANT me to branch out and take the initiative to do things a little differently-- yet when I try to think up activities that the kids will enjoy, activities to break up the routine a little bit, there are always questions or objections.
It's just difficult to see the program from the kids' standpoint (there are times it can be monotonous, times we are just giving them "busy-work" rather than finding activities that they would really enjoy/learn from) and feeling as though my hands are somewhat tied to do anything to make the program more enjoyable/innovative/fun for the children. I guess it's in these moments I have to remember my job as a missionary: to be LED by those already here, and used where asked, when asked.
It's just difficult for me, I suppose, because Pastora Martha labels me "Summer Program Director", and because, when we first talked about my role this summer, everyone at the church told me they wanted me to branch out and bring my own flare to the program, I feel this huge need to succeed, to make the church a fun and exciting place for the children to be everyday, to bring everything we do to life.
I guess now it's just a matter of seeing and learning from the life that's already there. Because, though they tire of worksheets and coloring pages at times, the kids shine while we're singing; they break into fits of giggles as we run around outside; they hold up their crafts with smiles and looks of pride; they find fun and joy just in coming together everyday and seeing what we have in store for them.
So pray that my (recovering) success-oriented self doesn't get stuck obsessing about creating the perfect, award-winning summer program, and learns to simply enjoy each moment, regardless of what we are doing, regardless of the questions/negativity that might surround the activities, regardless of the chidren's groans about a particular boring stretch of the day. Pray that I remember that I will never please everyone in life, and that I have enough wisdom to let go of the ways I'm not pleasing people, and to focus on things I am doing, the ways we are benefitting the children, the lives we are touching/shaping/transforming.
Until Next Time,
Nicole
7.06.2008
Magic
So the weekend is officially over, and, as if by magic, my feelings of homesickness and loneliness have gradually vanished as today has worn on.
I'm once again feeling blessed and excited to be in Winchester. I look forward to tommorrow, another day in which I get to be with the beautiful, spirit-filled kids who have been so welcoming to me. I'm again excited to use and further my Spanish language skills whenever possible, again amazed by the woman I'm living and serving with, again in love with the community that has opened its arms to me over the summer.
And if these renewed perspectives, along with my continued correspondence with Harry and Dumbledore and everyone else at Hogwarts (I'm coasting right along in my favorite series-- soon to start book 6), weren't enough to make me feel as though magic was sprouting up all around me, this morning I experienced the most beautiful, most unreal, most-- you guessed it: magical thing of all:
Pastora Martha woke me up this morning and asked if I wanted to accompany her to the hospital-- Larena Magdeli, a vibrant young woman who we recently held a baby shower for, had gone into labor late last night and had a brand new baby girl.
Well, of course I wanted to go! I've always found something so holy, so incredible about babies-- they make you smile, and gawk, and feel this incredible joy that is so real, so powerful, you can actually feel it in your chest.
So off I went to the hospital, expecting to stare at little Liliana from the other side of a glass wall, and within half an hour I found myself holding this tiny, beautiful child in my arms, telling her mother how beautiful she was, trying to find words as I looked down at this bundle of new life, this evidence of God's grace and love and goodness, this amazing, incredible, beautiful child who had not even been in the world for a day yet, and who I somehow got to hold, and speak to, and be touched by.
It's these types of moments that make me feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity I've been given. Sure, it's difficult at times. Sure, I get lonely; I miss my friends, my family, my BOYFRIEND. But completely separate from all these challenges is a deep sense of gratitude for the things my eyes have been opened to, the activities my hands have been involved in, the conversations I've been able to be a part of, the people I've gotten to know, and listen to, and have begun to call family.
God has an amazing way of teaching us in the times we feel most inadequate, most alone, most out of our elements. I never thought I'd be thankful for being put in a place where things do not come naturally/easily for me, in a place where I often feel I'm the outsider, but through all of my experiences, God has shown me sides of Godself, sources of God's love and strength and providence, that I never would have tapped into had I remained in my comfort zone.
So thank you, God, for new experiences. Thank you for challenging circumstances. Thank you for ultimately being the lifter of my burdens, the offerer of a new yoke, the source of life, and love, and magic into my ever-changing life. En su nombre, Dios. Amen.
I'm once again feeling blessed and excited to be in Winchester. I look forward to tommorrow, another day in which I get to be with the beautiful, spirit-filled kids who have been so welcoming to me. I'm again excited to use and further my Spanish language skills whenever possible, again amazed by the woman I'm living and serving with, again in love with the community that has opened its arms to me over the summer.
And if these renewed perspectives, along with my continued correspondence with Harry and Dumbledore and everyone else at Hogwarts (I'm coasting right along in my favorite series-- soon to start book 6), weren't enough to make me feel as though magic was sprouting up all around me, this morning I experienced the most beautiful, most unreal, most-- you guessed it: magical thing of all:
Pastora Martha woke me up this morning and asked if I wanted to accompany her to the hospital-- Larena Magdeli, a vibrant young woman who we recently held a baby shower for, had gone into labor late last night and had a brand new baby girl.
Well, of course I wanted to go! I've always found something so holy, so incredible about babies-- they make you smile, and gawk, and feel this incredible joy that is so real, so powerful, you can actually feel it in your chest.
So off I went to the hospital, expecting to stare at little Liliana from the other side of a glass wall, and within half an hour I found myself holding this tiny, beautiful child in my arms, telling her mother how beautiful she was, trying to find words as I looked down at this bundle of new life, this evidence of God's grace and love and goodness, this amazing, incredible, beautiful child who had not even been in the world for a day yet, and who I somehow got to hold, and speak to, and be touched by.
It's these types of moments that make me feel so incredibly blessed to have been given the opportunity I've been given. Sure, it's difficult at times. Sure, I get lonely; I miss my friends, my family, my BOYFRIEND. But completely separate from all these challenges is a deep sense of gratitude for the things my eyes have been opened to, the activities my hands have been involved in, the conversations I've been able to be a part of, the people I've gotten to know, and listen to, and have begun to call family.
God has an amazing way of teaching us in the times we feel most inadequate, most alone, most out of our elements. I never thought I'd be thankful for being put in a place where things do not come naturally/easily for me, in a place where I often feel I'm the outsider, but through all of my experiences, God has shown me sides of Godself, sources of God's love and strength and providence, that I never would have tapped into had I remained in my comfort zone.
So thank you, God, for new experiences. Thank you for challenging circumstances. Thank you for ultimately being the lifter of my burdens, the offerer of a new yoke, the source of life, and love, and magic into my ever-changing life. En su nombre, Dios. Amen.
7.04.2008
More Thoughts on Homesickness
After a few hours in Panera, first with Harry, and then with my sister playing internet Scrabble, I was beginning to feel a bit better.
I called home in the morning, explaining that I was feeling homesick. Mom quickly assured me they were doing nothing fun or exciting (an attempt to make me feel better about being far away, and though it didn't distinguish my feelings of loneliness, it did make me love my mom all the more for it.)
Natalie quickly got on the telephone and asked if I wanted to play a game of Scrabulous with her (Facebook's version of Scrabble for those who aren't as thoroughly in love with the game as I am..)
Playing with her, focusing on beating her, and typing little messages of rivalry to her while I drank my chai tea latte in Panera definitely lifted my spirits some. In that moment I was so thankful for family, so thankful for the ways they can come through and be there for you even from miles away. I'm also so thankful for the nudgings at my heart God has provoked lately, the nudgings which have caused me to reach out and allow my family to be there for me, to provide love and assurance for me in real, tangible ways, especially when I need them most.
So Scrabulous was good. Then I went home and heard Martha's family all around me again-- cooking, laughing, joking-- so I pulled Harry back out of my bag, curled up on my bed, and ate about three portions of this chocolate snack mix I discovered at Walmart (quite good, though I don't recommend three portions' worth.)
It's so odd. I KNOW Martha would love to have me join her and her family-- there is just something inside me that wants to give her family time, that wants to allow her to cherish her daughter and son-in-law and not feel like she has to make sure I'm having a good time/understanding despite the language barriers/etc.
And so I'm staying here, locked up in my room, reading my book, feeling very alone, very isolated, wishing I had something to do, someone to visit with, somewhere to go. I think one of the things I hate worst is feeling like a burden, or even risking to put myself in the position in which I could potentially feel like a burden.
In a way, then, this whole missionary experience has been quite good for me-- it has caused me to be a "burden" 24/7-- I am dependent on the people here for food, housing, transportation, guidance at work, and just about everything else under the sun.
It's been very hard for me at times, but I think I have gotten better at the whole dependency thing over time. I think today is just a small relapse-- in light of the holiday, and of Martha's family coming in town, I've really wanted to get out of the way and give her some time to do her own thing again, to have a weekend in which she can do things as she would before she agreed to be a host and temporary mother-figure for me for the summer.
Who knows, perhaps tomorrow the sun will be shining, (it's been a stormy, nasty day, which is the reason I've decided not to go into D.C. or to try to explore anywhere else) and perhaps I'll hear from my fellow interns, and perhaps I'll be able to spend a day of much needed independence in the city. Or maybe I won't get my day of independence, and I'll learn, even further, the joys and benefits of allowing others to make room for you in their lives and to care for you even when you feel as though you're burdening them.
Either way, I know tomorrow, and the next day, and the rest of my journey here and beyond, holds many lessons. (I just hope I don't make a habit of downing three portions of chocolate mix as I learn them!)
Paz y Amor Mis Amigos y Mi Familia,
Nicole
I called home in the morning, explaining that I was feeling homesick. Mom quickly assured me they were doing nothing fun or exciting (an attempt to make me feel better about being far away, and though it didn't distinguish my feelings of loneliness, it did make me love my mom all the more for it.)
Natalie quickly got on the telephone and asked if I wanted to play a game of Scrabulous with her (Facebook's version of Scrabble for those who aren't as thoroughly in love with the game as I am..)
Playing with her, focusing on beating her, and typing little messages of rivalry to her while I drank my chai tea latte in Panera definitely lifted my spirits some. In that moment I was so thankful for family, so thankful for the ways they can come through and be there for you even from miles away. I'm also so thankful for the nudgings at my heart God has provoked lately, the nudgings which have caused me to reach out and allow my family to be there for me, to provide love and assurance for me in real, tangible ways, especially when I need them most.
So Scrabulous was good. Then I went home and heard Martha's family all around me again-- cooking, laughing, joking-- so I pulled Harry back out of my bag, curled up on my bed, and ate about three portions of this chocolate snack mix I discovered at Walmart (quite good, though I don't recommend three portions' worth.)
It's so odd. I KNOW Martha would love to have me join her and her family-- there is just something inside me that wants to give her family time, that wants to allow her to cherish her daughter and son-in-law and not feel like she has to make sure I'm having a good time/understanding despite the language barriers/etc.
And so I'm staying here, locked up in my room, reading my book, feeling very alone, very isolated, wishing I had something to do, someone to visit with, somewhere to go. I think one of the things I hate worst is feeling like a burden, or even risking to put myself in the position in which I could potentially feel like a burden.
In a way, then, this whole missionary experience has been quite good for me-- it has caused me to be a "burden" 24/7-- I am dependent on the people here for food, housing, transportation, guidance at work, and just about everything else under the sun.
It's been very hard for me at times, but I think I have gotten better at the whole dependency thing over time. I think today is just a small relapse-- in light of the holiday, and of Martha's family coming in town, I've really wanted to get out of the way and give her some time to do her own thing again, to have a weekend in which she can do things as she would before she agreed to be a host and temporary mother-figure for me for the summer.
Who knows, perhaps tomorrow the sun will be shining, (it's been a stormy, nasty day, which is the reason I've decided not to go into D.C. or to try to explore anywhere else) and perhaps I'll hear from my fellow interns, and perhaps I'll be able to spend a day of much needed independence in the city. Or maybe I won't get my day of independence, and I'll learn, even further, the joys and benefits of allowing others to make room for you in their lives and to care for you even when you feel as though you're burdening them.
Either way, I know tomorrow, and the next day, and the rest of my journey here and beyond, holds many lessons. (I just hope I don't make a habit of downing three portions of chocolate mix as I learn them!)
Paz y Amor Mis Amigos y Mi Familia,
Nicole
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
