Frustration!

Today was an especially difficult day. Not only were the kids more rambunctious and less obedient/respectful than normal, but I'm beginning to feel caught in the middle of the different adults serving around me-- it seems that everyone has a different idea of how to do things/what types of activities to plan for the children and I can never please everyone with my decisions or make everyone happy.

This is just really frustrating because I feel like everything we do is questioned, that there is always some bit of negative energy coming from some direction, when we're all just trying to do the best we can. Also, it's frustrating because they've (they being Pastora Martha and my supervisor, Pauline) asked me to take new approaches; they've said I don't have to do everything the way they've done it in the past-- they WANT me to branch out and take the initiative to do things a little differently-- yet when I try to think up activities that the kids will enjoy, activities to break up the routine a little bit, there are always questions or objections.

It's just difficult to see the program from the kids' standpoint (there are times it can be monotonous, times we are just giving them "busy-work" rather than finding activities that they would really enjoy/learn from) and feeling as though my hands are somewhat tied to do anything to make the program more enjoyable/innovative/fun for the children. I guess it's in these moments I have to remember my job as a missionary: to be LED by those already here, and used where asked, when asked.

It's just difficult for me, I suppose, because Pastora Martha labels me "Summer Program Director", and because, when we first talked about my role this summer, everyone at the church told me they wanted me to branch out and bring my own flare to the program, I feel this huge need to succeed, to make the church a fun and exciting place for the children to be everyday, to bring everything we do to life.

I guess now it's just a matter of seeing and learning from the life that's already there. Because, though they tire of worksheets and coloring pages at times, the kids shine while we're singing; they break into fits of giggles as we run around outside; they hold up their crafts with smiles and looks of pride; they find fun and joy just in coming together everyday and seeing what we have in store for them.

So pray that my (recovering) success-oriented self doesn't get stuck obsessing about creating the perfect, award-winning summer program, and learns to simply enjoy each moment, regardless of what we are doing, regardless of the questions/negativity that might surround the activities, regardless of the chidren's groans about a particular boring stretch of the day. Pray that I remember that I will never please everyone in life, and that I have enough wisdom to let go of the ways I'm not pleasing people, and to focus on things I am doing, the ways we are benefitting the children, the lives we are touching/shaping/transforming.

Until Next Time,

Nicole